Agni & Svaha ( aka Gösta & Patrick )

Am I Asleep or Am I Awake?

Opus Dei. Gösta. 

Svaha Yoga Amsterdam.

“Are you from Opus Dei?” Gösta asked, seeing me dressed in all white after his class, which—as usual—I barely survived.

“No, but I’m a masterpiece of God in the making, whether I like it or not.” - I answered in my head. 

It was all three of them that brought me to Amsterdam—Master’s Dam: God, my Guru, and Gösta.

Only the third one does not know.

He is so extraordinary that he does not even notice what happened to him after a lifetime of surrender and discipline.

I do not usually swear, but this guy is “a f*ckin’ masterpiece” of divine work-in-progress, in its purest expression.

He does not know that I know—

That he is both darkness and light in unmanifested state. 

Just like my Guru—Mother Nature and Father Spirit before separation.

My body tried to escape this class and stuffed itself with a horrible toast out of fear.

I never eat before practice.

Today, I did.

Level 2.

Being in Gösta’s presence reminds you that you are Level 0, no matter what you might think.

I like zero—it is absolute potential.

The pre-TTC I flew in for is just an excuse to be in the living presence of a true Master.

(He would still give me shit for flying all the time and my carbon footprint—I’m blaming it on the astral plane.)

I have zero intentions of being a yoga teacher. 

I can’t even do a proper Chaturanga Dandasana, but it might not be up to me.

Two years ago, I was blessed with an experience that was something between a near-death experience, alien abduction, and a psychedelic journey.

For the sake of argument, let’s agree that “initiation” is the word I choose to use for now, as my understanding of these events continues to change—both form and meaning.

Somewhere—

I have no idea where, other than maybe my own mind and the astral plane—

I met my Guru: Mahavatar Babaji.

Now, I follow His guidance.

Most of the time, it’s just my mind pretending to be my Guru, but it does not matter.

I listen attentively.

I was told to show up and sit for a month with Gösta and Patrick, even though my body is not qualified.

I am here & now. 

I have learned not to argue, not to discuss.

Soul makes no mistakes.

Spirit, which now governs my life, is strict and does not waste time on the preferences of my personality.

Kriya, the Highway to Heaven

“What is Kriya Yoga? I’ve never heard of it.” Andrea, my new colleague from Croatia, asked me.

“No worries, Andrea—Kriya has heard of you.”

Otherwise, they would not have placed us outside the door of Svaha Yoga like Dr. Stephen Strange waiting for the Sorcerer Supreme to let him back in when we were four minutes late.

“It’s a highway to Heaven, you just have to pass through Hell really quickly.”

Nothing matters.

Gösta said that yoga is very clear:

“There is NO God.”

I disagree.

There is only God.

And I met Him.

Of course, this might be avidya—my own ignorance of my true nature.

I am a baby yogi.

Crawling.

Studying The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali for the first time in this life.

I can laugh—

Only millions of incarnations it took to get here, and now I will go with full speed : as slow as possible.

No way am I falling down on the wheel of samsara again.

You think you are alive?

It means you have not been dead for long enough.

We are all asleep.

Maha Kala continues to laugh, gathering innocent labor.

Try Explaining This to Your Family:

“I’m vegetarian now. 

Kriya Yoga removes outdated programs in my system, so I can no longer eat meat or fish or eggs. Actually, gluten and sugar also make me feel unwell.”

“You are my family, but not really—because we are just souls who chose the most complex, difficult family constellation to continue perfecting themselves. So, sorry, but I have to go inside and untangle some knots from previous lives. It will cost me relationships, friends, family, work, and social acceptance.”

“I shaved my head as a devotional act because hair carries memories of past traumas. Also, I need more time for yoga and study—because we have eternity, but there is not a second to waste.”

“I wear only white, a request from my invisible guardians. It’s either silk or wool—for the best connection with the invisible.”

“Yes, I talk to my invisible friends all the time. All Devas and Asuras are very real. We live in times of full cosmic disclosure, and a ton of aliens live on Earth—many of them within you. Watch some Gaia or look in the mirror long enough—you might get scared, but it’s all good. You are a yogi now, and you can take it : VAIRAGYA”

Surrender.

Burn. 

Become SVAHA.

Who gives a f*ck anyway?

The imaginary guitar strings and vocals exist only in the imagination of the imaginer.

“Not possible,” you might say.

“Mind cannot be that powerful.”

You just lost it.

Spoiler alert: MIND IS that powerful.

Look around—

Everything you see? 

Mind.

If matter is mighty, then thought is almighty.

Be careful what you wish for.

Once the Whole Elephant is revealed,

you might wish for your avidya—

the bliss of ignorance.

It is tough to awaken and realize that it might be you—

cosmic mother-father who created everything out of love, grief and loneliness.

Lullaby yourself back to sleep—

or start aligning your breath with time and space and join spiritual forces in co-creating a more self-aware universe.

It sucks to realize that you are God.

It’s scary, overwhelming—and you feel like sh*t.

But here’s the one perk:

Each day, you get to start from scratch—

and create beauty instead of crap.

Start from yourself.

Empty your cup.

Let everything go.

Bad news: You are falling.

Good news: There is no bottom.

Be like Svaha—the consort of Agni.

Become the sacrifice.

Just burn in your tapas.

Just burn.

Move your ass.

Do it for all the beings that can’t.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu.