Belle in Milan

It is Wednesday, 21st of August  ´24

I am in Milan.

I am happening. 

Looking at the Cathedral and understanding that she is I and I am her. 

Thinking of Esmeralda and Quasimodo even though we are not in Paris.

Thinking of Victor Hugo and how he wrote The Hunchback of the Notre-Dame.

He was late with the manuscript so he removed everything from his apartment including his clothing and sat there until it was finished.

ARISE! AWAKE! STOP NOT UNTIL THE GOAL IS REACHED. 

Swami Vivekananda had more vigor than I do.

I am happening now all at once, in all realms.

I am listening to ¨Unstoppable¨ by Sage Robbins.

Serena Williams was talking.

Very inspirational speakers joined, I felt motivated.

It is Wednesday. 

My communication with the Divine should be excellent.

If I am the Divinity manifesting itself,  I am as great as this cathedral.

I wonder what's underground here.

I arrived in Milan two days ago. 

It was not planned.

I was supposed to be in Canada,

bad weather decided to send me here.

Weather is so wise,

all the elements are.

Yesterday, my partner showed me an esoteric bookstore here in Milan.

I got overwhelmed by the choice of books, understanding that this is yet another step.

I was meant to be here to understand that I am unstoppable.

This is compound interest. 

You do it, you do it, you do it, and then it just is. 

So am I.

I just am everything.

I am the whole universe. 

I've been fasting all day.

I thought it's gonna be more difficult, because in recent days food was my best friend.

Today I wanted to keep clarity of mind.

I wanted to be precise with my communication. 

I knew I was about to speak to my ex husband about our daughter.

I barely held it together.

We disagree in parental approach.

He is learning to be a father. 

I guess.

It is what it is.

I am here. 

I'm not there. 

There's nothing I can do about it. 

I spoke with our daughter. 

I calmed her down.

I am going to see her in two weeks.

There's no home around the world that is waiting for me, other than my heart, my own body.

I discussed with my partner today possibility of going to a Tantra Festival in September in Montenegro.

I wanted to go because

A) I've never been to a Tantra festival. 

B) I have no home. 

C) I would like to get to know myself better.

D) I continue my studies, building my network of teachers.

It triggered a lot of emotions.

We expressed how we felt about this.

We decided together that it is best if I go on my own.

There are two weeks in front of me.

I wanted to go to Ibiza and hike,

practice yoga with Miguel.

I wanted to go to Turkey to be with my daughter. 

I was told I am not welcomed.

So I'm not going to Turkey.

I'm looking for a place to live.

Portugal ?

There was this retreat that my friend found.

I decided that this is not good enough.

If I want to go to Portugal, I would like to be connected with some people I trust there.

To know exactly where am I going and why. 

I could have spent these last 10 days of August in a silent retreat in Mexico. 

Since I already left New York, this is not happening either.

I considered going to Poland.

Taking care of myself, do all the beauty treatments and go to amazing pilates studio in Warsaw that I saw on Instagram.

Just enjoy my own country. 

Maybe go to the seaside or go see Krakow.

Visit Smok Wawelski.

I was reading about dragons yesterday.

Althar by Joachim Wolffram.

A real dragon sent it to me.

What would have been a perfect end of holidays?

I would love some silence.

I would really love some silence.

I am in Milan. 

Maybe I don't need to go anywhere. 

Maybe it would be actually great if I just stayed here without fancy hotels, without the sea, without the beach.

Without the mountains.

Maybe I should just sit on my bum and read.

Maybe I should just come to Duomo every day.

Continue admiring her.

Understanding that I am happening now.

Everything is happening all at once. 

Maybe it's my time to sit down and practice the 18 Kriya Hatha Yoga poses that I have learned in Canada so I can participate in the second level of the retreat in October.

Maybe it's my time to actually do the homework, catch up on all my books.

Do all my training and write that damn book.

I discovered this great place called Termemilano.

I had a very restful day there.

In between sauna and a massage, I was looking at myself in full appreciation and disappointment. 

At the same time.

I lost a lot of weight last year, my body looks great. 

I am not sure if I like my face. 

There's this tattoo that is bothering me. 

Microblading done some years ago, and the ink just spread under my skin.

I have oily skin.

Maybe doing face plastic surgery?

I wanted to look even younger and have bigger eyes.

I wanted to lift my eyebrows and mold my cheeks and do all these pretty things that women seem to be doing when they are in their 40s and they don't maybe feel good enough.

Maybe they want to improve themselves.

I don't really think that's a good idea.

One side of me thinks it's a great idea. 

The other side says: ¨Well, actually, what you see in the mirror, it's not who you are. 

The image is distorted because you have not yet fully accepted yourself.

You continue to link your value to the way You look.

You know very well by now that you are the soul.

The eternal spirit, dwelling in this body.

This body requires maintenance, but mainly requires love and affection and appreciation.

Plastic surgery is probably NOT what you want to do. 

What you want to do is maybe look at your nutrition and supplementation and do some laboratory tests to see what you are actually missing. 

You are passionate about longevity and immortality, go that way.

Keep implementing your systems.

Stop eating junk. 

It's just as simple as that. 

Today, when I'm fasting and my mind is very clear, it all feels obvious.

When I am on my period, when I am shamed or spoken to in an unkind way, when I am in a hurry, when I'm traveling, when I do not eat on time, all these things get clouded, and I end up with old patterns. 

I am vegetarian. 

I decided.

I was dabbling with it for a long time. 

I don't know if this is going to last, but for the last few weeks, I have been vegetarian, and I'll prove this to myself by not eating any fish. 

I ended up eating a lot of pasta and pizza and bread, but I kept going.

I went to a Japanese restaurant here in and the food was great. 

I continue to allow myself to drink Coca Cola. 

My intention is to completely let go of dependence on sugar.

Gently.

Maybe one should not do everything at once. 

Maybe you should do this gradually.

You cannot implement a new habit without letting go of the old one.

You cannot do everything at once. 

Why? 

If I was dying, if I knew I had a terminal illness, if I had a cancer, and I would know that this cancer is being fed by sugar?

Would I really still be eating sugar? 

No, I wouldn't. 

Probably, out of self pity, I would just eat and say: Oh, poor me, you know, I'm dying. 

Anyways, let me have some candy.

That's not the right attitude.

We are dying every day.

I want to live.

I want to live as long as I can so I can learn more and share my knowledge. 

I am eternal.

When I drop my body, my consciousness will stay there. 

Everything that I can master while I am in the body, I am going to take with me. 

It is easier to master oneself while we are in the body.

When you are a spirit and you don't have a body, it's difficult to do things certain things and to master yourself. 

Then you dwell on some levels.

There are very high beings on different levels of consciousness that cannot reach The Source and cannot be back with Heavenly Father because they have not perfected themselves. 

They have to wait in line to be incarnated on Earth, in a body, to be able to work on these samskaras and make themselves better. 

I have this opportunity.

I am today, here and alive. 

It is August, 2024 and I am on planet Earth. 

In theory. 

I am not so sure about that either.

I am one and a half years old.

I am a toddler now, I started speaking.

Before that, I was only rumbling.

I learned how to walk, so now I am starting to run.

The edges are still bit rough. 

From time to time, I get a bruise.

I am getting there. 

If I mark the beginning of  my new life from March 2023,

I'm exactly one and a half years old.

The next five and a half years are going to be the most impactful, influential years of my life.

I am going to learn by hypnosis. 

My iPhone is coming back to its original settings. 

I know what is right and wrong, what serves me and what doesn't. 

I was able to give up today.

I felt despair and sadness because I have no home.

I don't feel like I am supported from any side, but the truth is that God is supporting me at all times.

He's sending his troops in form of friends and guardian angels and my partner and just amazing creatures around the world that are willing to help me. 

Today, I spoke to my friend about the investment that we made together. 

I invested all my money in cryptocurrencies. 

It was not much, but I feel that I have done the right thing.

This technology is changing the world. 

I am learning. 

I am writing. 

My time is not for sale. 

I could be a coach and a mentor, and I even created calendly for myself, starting to teach march to 2025.

I gave a promise to continue studying Kriya Yoga until then and focusing all my attention and energy on that.

I'm still in this ¨respect promises given to oneself.¨

I like it.

I am getting there.

Most of my day is spent thinking about and feeling the love.

I am allowing that love to grow.

I understand that this is a path my soul have chosen for this life.

I am limiting distractions. 

I received so many teachings in such a short period of time, it's difficult to integrate them. 

I choose to learn every day. 

A little bit. 

Today, I completed 18 Kriyas for the first time, and it felt great. 

Savasana.

It was very powerful and allowed me to find information in the back of my head.

I am very dependent on external factors. 

I love to have a master around.

Kriya is creating self dependency, where I can understand how important it is to have a self practice.

You don't need any yoga studio, you don't need any money, you don't need any space other than two square meters.

If you have a yoga mat.

If you master it, can be done anywhere, anytime. 

This is what I decided I'm doing.

It is happening now.

I'm going to memorise the poses and practice the poses.

If I can’t do everything, maybe I can do two or four or six or eight, because they should be practiced in pairs.

Maybe I'll just stay in Milan and do that.

I remember I fasted for nine days in June last year.

1 x 10 day fast should be done once a year. 

Maybe I'll do that now, I don't know.

I feel hungry, but it is not my body who is hungry.

It is my mind, voracious mind of mine.

Wants to eat all the time, mainly my emotions.

Oh well.