In search of the miraculous

I keep thinking about all the Masters I met on my path, wondering what I must have done in my past lifetimes to get this privilege.

I am listening to ¨ ïn search of the miraculous¨ by Ouspensky and I continue to listen about my Master.

Statements of different people who witnessed His presence.

I don't remember much from the time we met.

What I remember is enough for me to go all the way, whatever that might mean.

He comes to me in front of fire.

As I look at a flame of a fire in front of me, I’m bending the wax so I can see it better.

It's incredible, because this is how reality can be bent, the same way as you can bend the wax.

Now I see the full grace of the fire in front of me.

I miss my fireplace.

I know I don't have to go anywhere or do anything.

It will be just enough to look at this flame for sufficient amount of time and all answers are going to be revealed to me.

Fire is a very powerful spirit.

I feel very drawn towards it.

Similarly, I feel very drawn towards silence and water.

I am an experiment in the making.

I continue scrolling Instagram.

I continue writing a book and practicing kriya.

I continue being a better mother and a better human being.

I would like to continue to surrender and to find more ways to do so.

I don't know whether I should have a podcast or start a YouTube channel. 

I actually don't want to do these things, but I also understand that in order for me to meet the people I wish to hang out with, I should maybe expose myself a little bit and show a little flavour of who I am so others can actually see me.

Then, of course, I laugh, understanding that the divine already organised everything.

I don't have to worry my little blonde head about anything.

If someone is meant to stand on my path, the divine are going to sit them next to me on the plane, or we'll meet in a grocery shop, or in the mountains in the middle of nowhere.

Maybe I will walk into their home when they are having lunch with their kids and life will never be the same again. 

What a beauty. 

Flame.

Fire burns everything, warms everything up.

I was thinking how people suffer fires and the forests are burning and houses and natural disasters. 

Then when I think about the law of karma, I perceive it in a different way.

I feel that if a forest is supposed to burn, it's because it's supposed to burn, because it had to be like that, even if people arson the forests,

it was meant to happen because it also allows the trees to go to transformation and the rocks and the animals and everything that lives in the forest.

Mushrooms.

It all burns and it can change form and become something else, because maybe It's karma finished and it can only be exhausted to the end with a fire. 

That's a far fetched theory, but at the moment, it seems like that.

Same with water disasters.

I was observing what's happening in Poland. 

It's heartbreaking. 

Maybe it was a karma of the place. 

Maybe it was meant to be like that, so we can learn how to respect Mother Nature better. 

I've been writing about addiction to mobile phones.

I am holding one in my hand.

When I finish this recording, my intention is to go to sleep and switch off the phone until Sunday at least.

To have a full day of practice and presence tomorrow.

Sunday & Monday, the retreat finishes. 

I'm flying home on Tuesday.

I was thinking of changing my ticket, but then I didn’t.

Everything is organised as is. 

I'm gonna stop messing with the divine. 

Maybe I will need one day to integrate what happens during the retreat. 

Today, I ate like a piggy again.

I don't like this dependence on sugar. 

I also blame it on another being that lives inside of me. 

I don't think human would consciously just eat a ton of sugar like that. 

It's so addictive. 

I ask my body whether it's hungry, it never says it's hungry.

It's never actually hungry. 

This tummy grumbling is a doing of something else.

So beautiful and peaceful this fire.

I am going to pray for my master to be safe.

I made new friends today.

I shared my gift with one.

I was apologising to my grandparents for not being there when they passed.

I know they're gonna be there for me when I do.

It's very comforting.

I don't know if I will ever come back on Earth. 

Would it be sad if I didn't?

It's so beautiful here.

There's so many places I want to see.

I love learning languages. 

Makes me so happy that I can understand Russian and I can read almost.

That I'm learning Turkish.

Arabic and Hebrew are on my list.

I hope I will be given enough time. 

Why am I learning?

Maybe it's not necessary.

It makes me feel happy, sense of accomplishment.

Maybe I should be reaching higher. 

Maybe I should be only thinking how to be a better human being and how to contribute to society at large.

I understand with my consciousness expansion, and the work I do on myself with practicing kriya is helping the collective raise awareness.

I feel that there is a task coming my way.

India.

I'm sure there are most beautiful places there.

If I had six months to live, I would like to be with my daughter and teach her everything I know.

Maybe I can write down everything I know in six months until my birthday.

Letters to Lila.

Letters to God.

Maybe that would be enough. 

Maybe that is a good idea to teach a child in six months everything I know. 

Do I even know anything ?

She probably knows much more than I do.

How could I do that?

By telling her stories? 

What if everything I know is going to be invalid when she's big?

Maybe her consciousness is so advanced that I don't have to worry about any of this.

When am I gonna study all this?

The Tibetan Book of the Dead ?

All that other fancy stuff,

Tibetan monks and great avatars? 

I do what I can every day.

It could be better.

Today, maybe I was just overwhelmed with the practice and the blessing that comes from the skies.

I feel chosen.

Spiritual ego.

I don't know why.

I don't want to feel superior or special. 

I am a simple person in the middle of everything. 

I cannot fathom the greatness of the being I keep thinking about. 

I am scared of that meeting, because I know that this love will kill me and I am going to collapse.

What if I will not want to come back?

I will probably just have my heart broken in 2 million pieces and never be able to recover.

So maybe it's best if I don't see him, because I love him enough withou seeing him.

The meeting we had was so impactful that I don't think I can do that again.

It's not my decision.

The candle was blue, of course, 

All the most beautiful things are blue.

It's a colour that almost doesn't exist in nature, like the wings of the blue morpho butterfly from Costa Rica.

Neither do we.

If I had a dream where I was a butterfly, am I sure it was a dream ?

Maybe I´m a celestial butterfly that dreams of being a human ?

God only know.

God knows all.

God is all.

ALL.